Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize