Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
