Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
