They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
