just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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