He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
