I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
