Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
