Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
