I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
