It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
is that a dick in a sweater?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
