i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
