the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize