he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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