Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
