just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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