I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
