I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just had sex bonerless
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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