My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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