party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
