Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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