how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
