Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
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Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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