Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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