yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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