Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
