Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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