just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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