There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
