I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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