I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
