Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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