Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
