At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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