Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
