I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
