you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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