weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
