He is such a slut. More and more my type.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
