dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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