someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
