Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
