he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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