In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
