I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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