My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
