Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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