haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My vagina just clenched in fear
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
