he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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