Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
