She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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