This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
