I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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