We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
