I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
honey bunches of taint.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
