Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

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  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9844) Bad night (1478)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.

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  (917): The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name. http://tfl.nu/eftw
  Replies (5) Good night (3312) Bad night (1031)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.

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  (757): I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it. http://tfl.nu/htjg
  Replies (10) Good night (3208) Bad night (1353)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care

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  (503): just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care http://tfl.nu/jaq9
  Replies (7) Good night (2556) Bad night (840)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.

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  (706): In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure. http://tfl.nu/bjg9
  Replies (5) Good night (2430) Bad night (1212)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.

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  (262): i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching. (715): okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference. http://tfl.nu/rrjb
  Replies (11) Good night (4379) Bad night (1150)
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  (347): View more from New York

  i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.

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  (347): i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick. http://tfl.nu/65g9
  Replies (10) Good night (2643) Bad night (1010)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup

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  (978): karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup http://tfl.nu/ujf4
  Replies (8) Good night (1702) Bad night (721)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.

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  (308): I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll. http://tfl.nu/yzo7
  Replies (0) Good night (968) Bad night (587)
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  (916): View more from California

  The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.

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  (916): The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu. http://tfl.nu/i9o3
  Replies (3) Good night (1728) Bad night (490)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.

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  (251): We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies. http://tfl.nu/6jxt
  Replies (5) Good night (1398) Bad night (557)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!

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  (614): Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together! http://tfl.nu/qkst
  Replies (6) Good night (706) Bad night (1078)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.

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  (309): He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys. http://tfl.nu/x76x
  Replies (11) Good night (602) Bad night (965)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.

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  (218): His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me. http://tfl.nu/111u
  Replies (0) Good night (671) Bad night (376)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  my poor anus

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  (276): my poor anus http://tfl.nu/2t3b
  Replies (10) Good night (297) Bad night (721)

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