Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

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(214): Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on http://tfl.nu/x4zw

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?

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(215): I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese. (717): Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days? http://tfl.nu/n2pa

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(714): View more from California

we're chasing vodka with high fives

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(714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s

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(206): View more from Washington

My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ

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(206): My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ http://tfl.nu/st4o

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it

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(651): i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it http://tfl.nu/fv1k

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(801): View more from Utah

the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome

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(801): the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome http://tfl.nu/ugx7

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(714): View more from California

i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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(714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick http://tfl.nu/4tuf

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.

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(612): Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p3u3

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(937): View more from Ohio

Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.

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(937): Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault. http://tfl.nu/6aqr

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(334): View more from Alabama

Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.

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(334): Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions. http://tfl.nu/wk8c

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(269): View more from Michigan

We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.

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(269): We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all. http://tfl.nu/epk0

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(512): View more from Texas

Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.

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(512): Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids. http://tfl.nu/hflo

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(+61): View more from Australia

It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.

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(+61): It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls. http://tfl.nu/jcbb

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(850): View more from Florida

It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.

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(850): It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant. http://tfl.nu/v68q

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(515): View more from Iowa

He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.

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(515): He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head. http://tfl.nu/6i8v

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