Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.