I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk