does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?