I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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