Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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