booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
