Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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