...so i touched it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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