There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
