I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
