Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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