I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
