this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
