My pussy is not your playground.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
