so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
