I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
