i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
