you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
