I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
