She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
